Benlunar - Episode 12
The Journey begins.
The Roads of Alicium run through it like veins
From small paths down mountains to city built lanes
They’ll guide you home or take you away
Or make you visit village that begs you to stay
Up through the pass, down through the grass
Stick to your map, veer not from the path
Or perhaps take an unfamiliar bend
After all, the aim of the song is the tune not the end
The morning of the departure was drenched in tears. It was a good thing that the sky was blue and bright because one more drop of water on Lilian’s face may have forced her to change her mind about the whole thing. In fairness, the tears mainly belonged to her mother who inadvertently wiped them onto her cheek with each hug and kiss. Lilian’s pack was ladened with so much bread and dried meat she barely had room for her spare clothes. She had chosen comfort over style to begin her trip to Freedos and was wearing a dark green smock over old woollen leggings that had been dyed orange many years ago. They were all held together by a thin leather belt with a beautiful brass buckle and burnt etchings of ivy leaves around the holes. It had been a parting gift from her father who handed it over to her with some advice: “I’ve never been to Freedos. I’ve barely left Benlunar but a handful of times. But then, ever since you were a baby I knew you would be braver than I. And bravery is good, but don’t be stupid. If you hear my voice, or your mother’s voice in your head warning you against something, listen to it! If you meet strangers, show them kindness. If they do not return it, show them your back, not your fist. If someone tries to rob you, give them what you have. Better to be hungry than dead. Remember to listen and ask questions. People love talking about themselves and this skill will bring you many friends. And the day, the minute no, the second you feel like coming home. You come home. You understand?” Lilian nodded. She could feel her own tears escaping now and she looked down to her side to see the cocked head of Fritha staring back at her. Her father looked at the feinhound too. “I would say don’t get into trouble, but I have no idea who in their right mind would attack you with this beast by your side. Keep it close. Treat it fairly.” The feinhound had resumed its habit of following Lilian around that morning and didn’t seem as though it was likely to stop any time soon. Lilian didn’t mind. With Fritha by her side last night, she had slept soundly. The feinhound looked at her father and he instinctively stepped back a few paces. Polly Lausanne stepped forward once more and knelt in front of her daughter. Lilian braced herself for another teary hug but instead her mother simply took her hand and looked into her eyes.
“Remember my love. When the winds and storms rage, the mountain remains still. Wherever you go, whatever happens, remember to hold the mountain in your heart, and the storm can never hurt you.” Lilian smiled and glanced up behind her mother, Benlunar peak was standing proudly against the sky. Lilian smiled and although she didn’t quite understand exactly what her mother meant, she enjoyed the image and said a little promise to herself that she would remember her parents words in the months to come.
Lilian didn’t set off up the leafy pathway to Benlunar central. Instead, she went into the trees and followed the small cliff edge round to Benlunar’s entrance from the mountain path. This was the spot where she had agreed to meet Mr Attorcop the night before, it took a little while longer to get there but it avoided the main streets and square of the town and therefore avoided any unwanted questions about Fritha. The feinhound didn’t seem to mind the walk, she was wearing her shaggy coat, which blended well with the brown leaves and earth around them and had the added advantage of making her look like a big mountain dog. Lilian didn’t know for sure that Fritha was a girl, It just felt right, and she certainly hadn’t seen any evidence pointing to the contrary. They reached Benlunar’s only entrance half an hour later and saw Mr Attorcop waiting patiently just outside the main gates. Benlunar was only accessible by road from the one mountain path making it surprisingly easy to defend should the need arise. The need however, hadn’t arisen in so long that the main gates were practically rusted into place. Although they were called gates, they looked more like large wooden doors. They had carvings of animals and plants all over them and stood several feet taller than even Mr Attorcop. Lilian waved and Mr Attorcop nodded his head in acknowledgment. As Lilian came out from the tree line she noticed that Mr Attorcop only carried a large pack, similarly filled to the brim as Lilian’s was.
“Where are your things?” She asked.
“Good morning to you too. I sent them on ahead in a caravan this morning. They should be waiting for us at my quarters when we arrive in Freedos.”
“Why aren’t we going with the caravan?”
“I’m considering stopping off a few places before reaching Freedos, the caravan would only slow us down.”
Lilian paused and took a deep breath. She turned to stare through the gates. Benlunar was just waking up, she could see curtains being drawn through tiny windows, smoke starting to seep through chimneys and as if to put a bow on the gift that was her home she began to hear the bowl bells singing from the top of the Stave Church announcing the dawn. She gazed at the spire and at the cobbled street ahead of her and she smiled.
“Right. What are we waiting for?”
It wasn’t until midway through the afternoon that they reached the valley floor. They had navigated successfully through the dark cave which acted as a shortcut for those not on horseback and had come out at the mouth on the other side, near the valley floor. Navigating the cave was simple enough, they just had to follow the small river running out from inside the mountain. The icy stream fell over rocks and boulders as they found daylight once again. Mr Attorcop remarked that the stream would soon meet others from all over the valley and they would eventually gather to become the mighty river Wyrid that ran through the centre of Freedos.
“Why don’t we find the river and take a boat to Freedos?” Asked Lilian as she picked her way over damp stones, careful not to fall.
“The water is still too shallow and quick at this altitude.”
“Altitude?” repeated Lilian, “I thought we were off the mountains now.”
“We are, but we’re still very high up compared to Freedos, which is near the ocean.” Lilian found her footing and gazed at the valley around her. The trees were in full summer greens and the sound of water trickled and burbled all around them. Lilian had been to the mouth of this cave before. Once when she was younger she visited the fields on the valley floor where Benlunar got most of its grain and fish. They were layered in tiers so that water would trickle down from one, skip one and fill the next. That what the wheat was irrigated by the water filling every other field, within which were thousands of jumping snapping fish. They were all owned by one family, the Repsons, and were one of the last stops that visitors to Benlunar would make before either heading up the main path or (if you were brave enough) into the mouth of the cave. Lilian was excited to see the fields again. She glanced over at Fritha who was lapping up some water. She noticed that Fritha’s tongue was purple which made her smile. How many more surprises do you have in store for us? She thought.
Once they reached the road again Lilian decided to tell Mr Attorcop about her strange encounter with Brother Thomas. She had been meaning to do this for some time, but things kept getting in the way. She realised though, that this long journey would give her the opportunity to learn more about him and perhaps find a satisfying answer to why someone from The Guiding Hand would want him dead. Fritha padded by their side, her coat a lustrous gold that was catching the afternoon sun and reflecting dancing lights around their feet. Birds sang as they walked and Mr Attorcop listened intently. When Lilian finished her story, about how Brother Thomas grew up on the streets of Freedos and was offered money and work by a mysterious group known as The Guiding Hand, Mr Attorcop’s brow furrowed in thought. After several minutes of silent walking he spoke,
“A few months ago I was employed by a noble woman. She asked me to help her son gain favour with the Empress. My suspicion is that she wanted them to marry. So I set about spreading a few rumours around court about her boy, I think his name was Edward.”
“What did you say?” ssked Lilian, intrigued.
“Oh the usual. Have you heard that Lord Edward saved a beggar girl from a gang of soldiers? Did you know Lord Edward has a scar on his back from fighting a lion? It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as you repeat the name enough and you talk to the right people. Not everyone has a talent for gossip but there are those in court who live for it. You tell them stories about this amazing young man and pretty soon everyone at court will be mentioning his name. I also adjusted his wardrobe and gave him some lessons in how to behave, which, by the way, I’ll need to teach you as well.” Lilian’s eyes widened and she faltered in her step. Court? She thought. I don’t want to go to court! What if someone talks to me? What would I wear?? She was just imagining being laughed at by a group of high society noblewomen when Mr Attorcop spoke again.
“Thing is, I thought I’d done rather well. Lord Edward didn’t have a natural way with words so I told him to assume the role of the silent soldier. I organised a few events at social gatherings at which he could play the part and I actually got him to speak alone with the Empress for over 20 minutes. Even I didn’t expect it to work that well. Unfortunately I had to go to Benlunar before I could learn how the meeting went. Judging by our visit from Bana House though I assume it didn’t go well.”
“You think Lord Edward’s Mother is part of The Guiding Hand?” asked Lilian.
“That’s where this all gets messy. This “Guiding Hand” nonsense, which by the way is a silly name, murkies the water quite considerably. It is of course possible that Lady Florentina is part of the group, but I have no idea why they would want to get rid of me.” Lilian walked on in silence. Fritha was ahead of them crouching low by the side of the road. Her eyes were wide as if she’d just spotted something in the grass. Lilian turned back to Mr Attorcop who was adjusting a strap on his pack.
“Why did you come to Benlunar?” Mr Attorcop replied absent mindedly.
“You know why. For my research.”
“Yes but, what are you researching exactly?”
“My word you really haven’t been paying attention have you?” Lilian blushed. From what she saw over the past few months, Mr Attorcop had been gathering leaves and plants and doing experiments on them with the lunar essence.
“I have been paying attention. You just never tell me anything! If I’m going to learn how to use essence like you then you might want to start telling me things.”
“Like what?” he replied. Lilian huffed,
“I dunno! Like. What is it? Where does it come from? How do you know how to use it? How long until it runs out? Are we in trouble if it does??” Mr Attorcop put his hands up calmly to halt the tirade of questions. Fritha pounced into the bushes and momentarily disappeared from view.
“Lilian, you need to start trusting yourself. I’m not always going to be by your side to answer every question that pops into your head. You already know the answer to most of those questions.” Lilian was taken aback.
“If I knew the answers I wouldn’t have asked the questions would I?” She ran out in front of Mr Attorcop and walked backwards for a moment. His steady pace was getting boring and she wanted to look him in the eye when he answered her.
“Very well then. I take it you remember what I said at the top of Benlunar about the natural world?” Lilian cast her mind back. She didn’t enjoy remembering that day because of how it ended, but she nodded as she recalled their conversation at the peak.
“You said we can gain power from it. And eventually manipulate it.”
“That’s right. So, in line with that way of thinking, where do you think Lunar essence comes from?”
“The natural world?”
“Yes. And you saw explicitly didn’t you? That night at the Padda Stone.”
“It was like, it came from the moon.” Mr Attorcop nodded.
“The moon certainly has something to do with its appearing. As far as I can tell, Benlunar is the only place in the world where lunar essence can be found.” As they walked, Lilian fell back into step with Mr Attorcop and the two nodded a greeting to an older man and a young woman, probably his daughter, who were leading a cart and donkey up the path towards them. Lilian was thankful for Fritha’s absence.
“Does that mean there are other types of essence?” She asked, once the strangers were out of earshot.
“Yes. I’ve heard stories of other kinds but I’ve never actually seen or held any. My theory is that they have their own set of circumstances that brings them into creation, much like what we saw with the lunar essence.”
Who taught you how to use it?” Lilian smiled as she was finally managing to piece things together.
“You know that too.” Replied Mr Attorcop. Lilian searched her memory. She was certain that she had no idea. But then something from last night popped into her head.
“Not… Mrs Thoreson?” Mr Attorcop nodded. “What!?” Lilian shouted, a few birds were disturbed from their branches and took off in shock. Lilian lowered her voice. “Does that mean she really is your Aunt?” Again, this was greeted by another nod.
“She’s actually my great Aunt. She was taught by her father. But she only taught me the very basics. I’ve spent years conducting my own research and found essence to be far more malleable and surprising than even she thought it to be.” Lilian was astounded.
“What’s a Nocta?” she asked. At this, Mr Attorcop snorted. Lilian couldn’t be sure if it was a laugh or a sign of disdain.
“Nothing. Just a silly old world for one who is in training. If you’re a boy you’re a Nocto and if you’re a girl you’re a Nocta. No one really uses the words anymore though.” Lilian quite liked the words and thought it a shame that they were no longer in use.
“Finally,” Mr Attorcop spoke again, “I’m afraid no one can answer your last two questions, not even you. I don’t know when the essence will run out and I don’t know if we will be in trouble when it does. But considering that it’s an issue and one that you quite rightly raise, what do you think the subject of my research has been of late?” Lilian thought for a second.
“You’re trying to find a way to make the essence last longer.”
“Indeed.” Replied Mr Attorcop with a somewhat serious tone. “When my great aunt was practising they only had the one bottle to keep it in. It took two years for me to find out what it was made of and I had to travel to Kerakis to have my vials forged from the same sands. I could try and make more of them but the problem would persist. Eventually, it runs out and I have to wait years for the moon to be in position again. A lot of the techniques I have developed don’t use up the Essence quickly, but that doesn’t mean the bottles can’t be lost or stolen.” Lilian looked up to see Mr Attorcop staring intently at the road ahead. He seemed to be wrestling with inner demons, his eyebrows were contorted in a scowl. “It is a most vexing issue. The worst part of it is that I cannot experiment freely with the essence for fear of using up the small supply I have.” At this point Fritha reappeared. She was a bright greeny blue and she held a dead rabbit in her mouth. Her lower eyelids were raised from holding it which made her look very self satisfied. Lilian suddenly thought of another question.
“What would you do if you had as much essence as you could carry? And that finding more was not a problem.” Mr Attorcop did not answer straight away. In fact he was quiet for some time. Finally he said,
“I’m sorry Lilian, I cannot tell you that in this moment. It’s not that I wish to keep secrets from you. Quite the opposite. It’s just that I have my own reasons for seeking power and I fear that if you knew them you might judge me.” Lilian was stunned. Why would this old man fear judgement from one as young as her? Did her opinion of him mean that much? She thought better than to push the subject. Mr Attorcop took a deep breath and spoke in a lighter tone.
“But there. I told you that you knew more than you thought. You need to start trusting your intuition and your ability to deduce information. It will help you greatly in your practises. Speaking of which, have you been practising the attention exercise I explained on the mountain? Lilian felt her face flush with colour. She had fully intended to practise but suddenly realised that she hadn’t given the exercise a second thought since walking off the mountain and into Benlunar that day. She opened her mouth to speak when Mr Attorcop rolled his eyes.
“No need for excuses. I know you’ve been going through a lot. But if you’re serious about this life and this journey we’re going to start practising again. That includes our combat. We will fight each night before sleep and we will practise attention each morning before breakfast. Whilst walking I will teach you any lessons I see relevant to your education.” Lilian agreed and the two continued to walk behind Fritha. No one had mentioned what they were going to do about the giant, colour changing animal that appeared to be joining them on this journey. But perhaps that was a problem for another day. For now, Lilian enjoyed the sunshine on her face and the thought of adventure around the corner.
The next few days they observed Mr Attorcop’s schedule to the letter. Each morning when they woke they would spend several minutes in silence, listening to and observing the world around them. Fritha at first became very confused at this behaviour. She would get extremely close to Lilian, the closest she’d ever been and sniff her while she sat. She would then jump back, hoping to provoke movement or a reaction. But after the third day she became used to it and would even sit with them while they practised. Lilian could hear her breathing and her strange, chime-like purring. During the days they would walk and Mr Attorcop would instruct Lilian on various histories or number problems. Lilian enjoyed learning about the old civilisations that came before them, the languages they spoke and customs they held. She did not enjoy her politics lessons. These seemed to exclusively consist of reasons why various people wanted each other dead. Some made sense, but others were outright ridiculous. For all their evening sparring sessions Lilian still found herself to be very much against using violence to solve problems. Mr Attorcop said that this was an admirable trait but one that would tested above all others in the coming years. Despite her desires to not want to hurt others, their nightly training sessions meant that she was getting rather good at it. They trained as the light was disappearing, meaning that the sessions would end in almost complete darkness. Mr Attorcop said it was good to train in the dark so that Lilian could get used to sensing her opponents instead of relying on them showing her their next move. If they couldn’t find sticks to fight with, they would spar with fists and Lilian would learn how to grapple, choke and twist limbs to gain advantage. She enjoyed moving and learning about the body and how it could be manipulated, but seeing as they were just training, she still never actually hit anyone. And she never beat Mr Attorcop. Not even when she thought she was getting close, right at the last minute he would twist out of her grasp and push her away or pull her into his own manoeuvre which she would then have to block or evade. Fritha would look on from the shadows, amused at these graceless apes fumbling about in the dark, not evening using their teeth!
After 2 weeks Lilian felt exhaustion starting to really set in. She had felt tired during their daily training sessions back in Benlunar but this was different. When they weren’t fighting, eating, sleeping or practising their attention they were walking and it was this ceaseless movement that was causing Lilian’s bones to ache as well as her feet being ripped to ribbons by her old, worn out boots. One day they rested by the side of a lake and Lilian caught her reflection in the water whilst getting changed. Although they had been eating well she could now see her ribs jutting out like ladder steps. Her fists were hardening, her back ached and the worst part of all of it was that Mr Attorcop barely seemed to be feeling the effects at all! Every morning he woke with the same energy from the day before and it was starting to get on Lilian’s nerves. Her own exhaustion made his habits and mannerisms annoying. She noticed how whenever he ate he would chew his food an inordinate amount of times, one bite of bread could last 40 seconds in his mouth and Lilian couldn’t stand it. It was like watching a cow eat she thought. She even found herself specifically looking away while she eat, Mr Attorcop didn’t seem to notice and if he did, he never mentioned it. The cumulative effect of the exhaustion effected her attention practise more than anything else. Each morning after breakfast when they would close their eyes to listen to the world around them, Lilian would find herself desperately trying to stop sleep from taking her over. She found that she would concentrate more on avoiding going to sleep than on the task at hand. This frustrated her as she enjoyed the attention exercise. There was another thing that bothered her. One instruction that Mr Attorcop would give each day is that she clear her mind of thoughts, or at least, notice when a thought entered her mind. But every time she closed her eyes her mind was so filled with visions of Kilde that she found it difficult to notice when one ended and new one began. She even wondered if her mind was ever clear at all between images of him lying sick on his bed, or playing in the river or sitting at their kitchen table politely eating his soup. It became so pervasive, so insistent on mind that she finally brought it up with Mr Attorcop. It was while they had stopped at an inn to buy more supplies. It was a mid sized building near a water mill, there were other travellers dotted around on large cosy chairs. It reminded Lilian of The Fox & Octopus, only more dusty and worn. Each table had traveller’s names scratched into it and the family that ran it were forever running too and fro trying to keep up with customer orders. Fritha had been instructed to wait on the side of the road, which she instantly disobeyed by dashing off into a clump of trees. Upon hearing her question, Mr Attorcop turned to her and lowered his voice.
“Yes I thought you might run into something like this. Most people do. I’m afraid there is no quick fix. The most important thing is that when you notice thoughts you do not judge them, nor yourself for having them. That would be like judging an apple tree for growing apples. Your mind is doing what comes naturally to it. You’re not in control of that.” Lilian screwed up her face in doubt.
“I’m not in control of what I’m thinking?”
“Not really.” Replied Mr Attorcop casually. “If you were, then you would be consciously deciding when to think of Kilde, instead of having the thoughts appear on their own.” He accepted a large pack of food from the proprietor of the inn and thanked him before walking back outside. Lilian was left stunned and had to run after him to catch up.
“So hang on a second. If I’m not in control of what I’m thinking, does that mean I’m in control of what I’m doing?” She found Mr Attorcop stopped at a fork in the road ahead, distracted.
“Hm? Oh. well… not really.” He looked down the road to his right, it was dotted with pot-holes and signs of decay. Several carts were being packed up outside the Inn, their owners making a similar show of inspecting the battered road ahead. Mr Attorcop then began to walk down the road to his left. This one was less worn and even had grass growing through the middle where cart wheels were yet to tread. This road extended round a grassy hill and up into a dark forest far in the distance. Lilian was almost too distracted with questions about her own autonomy to notice the decision.
“Hang on.” She said, stumbling behind him, “Isn’t that the road to Freedos?” She said, pointing back at the other way.
“That is the quickest road to Freedos. I think you’ll find most roads end up there anyway. This is the long way round.”
“Why are we going the long way round?”
“Because I’m in charge of where we’re going and I don’t want to use that road. It’s too busy and someone might spot that great big cat thing that seems to have attached itself to our party.” As if on cue Fritha appeared from the tall grass. She was dark blue and was wagging her tail as if pleased to see them.
“If we don't control our thoughts." Lilian started up again, following Mr Attorcop, 'how is it that you decided to go left instead of right?"
"I base all my decisions on the experiences I've had throughout my life. However, I have no control over their outcome. Just as i was not in control of where I was born and thus not in control of what experiences I've had in my life." Lilian's head was going round in circles. It was too early in the day for all these riddles. After a few minutes of silent contemplation, she asked,
"So we're not in control of what happens to us. We're not in control of our thoughts. What are we in control of?" Mr Attorcop didn't answer right away. But Lilian saw that he'd clearly given the question a lot of thought over the years. Possibly even since he was her age.
"One might argue that we are in control of our actions. But considering these are largely based on the outcomes of experience and thoughts this argument quickly falls down. Our bodies often dictate our actions and the times they let us down are as numerous as the stars. There really is only one thing we can control in this hectic happy painful thing we call existence and that is our reactions to things." Lilian pondered this for a while as they walked.
"Aren't your reactions based on thoughts and experiences too?" she asked.
"Initially yes." Replied Mr Attorcop, dodging around a puddle left over from a bout of rain two days prior. "But after a few seconds you can make a choice. A real choice. One that is uniquely yours. If you hear something that upsets you for example you can take a moment and then decide how you wish to feel about it. If you don't make the decision consciously, you're bound to be at the mercy of your emotions and memories." Lilian smiled as she considered this. She didn't know if it was true, but the thought of it was comforting. She watched Fritha darting in and out of the tree line beside them, her coat shimmering between colours as she vanished and reappeared, and she wondered if she was in control of the colours upon her, or did they merely react to her thoughts and experiences?
Evening fell as the road veered into the thick mass of dark barked trees. Lilian examined them as they walked, each one was at least as tall as the tallest pine on Benlunar but they’re leaves were large and dark. Because of this any light that made it through the canopy did so with difficulty and Lilian, Mr Attorcop and Fritha were soon walking in near darkness. Mr Attorcop gazed around warily.
“These trees grow so close together. I can barely see the sky. The sound is also strange.” Lilian knew what he meant immediately. She was aware of each falling leaf and footfall on the path. The wide and ridged tree trunks made it so sound could not travel far. It was eerie and quiet, like when it snows.
“Perhaps we should make camp, it’s no use continuing in this…” Mr Attorcop cut himself off as he spun round. Lilian had heard something too and instinctively looked to see where Fritha was before turning to find our what had made the noise. She barely had time to focus her eyes before she felt a heavy form crash into her, knocking the air from her lungs and landing on top of her on the forest floor. Judging by the sound of a crash nearby, Mr Attorcop had just experienced a similar fate. Lilian had closed her eyes in reaction to the hit and now lay on the floor daring not to open them. She heard breathing inches away from her face and felt hot air intermittently wash over her. Whatever it was, it wreaked of meat and decay. Lilian tried to move but the thing would shift its weight to wherever she tried to lift herself off the ground. Slowly, she opened her eyes. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw that a fingers width away from her face were the protruding teeth, wet tongue and snarling throat of an enormous dog.