Benlunar - Episode 9
Ascension.
Take the road up through the mystic mountains
Past the fantastic fishing fields and fountains
Three days through the Titan woods
Whose trees glare down through leafy hoods
Crawl in the darkness of the biting caves
It’s more dangerous the other ways
Then finally find yourself later or sooner
In the hidden valley town Benlunar
The day in question began in a similar fashion to the days that had preceded it. Every morning for the past few weeks, Lilian awoke at dawn and ran up the mountain to train with Mr Attorcop on the stone shelf. When the time came for the visitors from Freedos to leave, Lilian had thought that she would go with them, back to the city where Mr Attorcop lived. But this did not happen. Mr Attorcop claimed that he still had work to do in Benlunar and so Lilian helped him when she could in the afternoon’s after their training. The work mostly consisted of noting down names and observations that Mr Attorcop found during his many experiments. The training itself had changed dramatically in the short time since it had begun. Without the fear of silent assassin’s creeping in the shadows, the master and student were free to work unencumbered. Once they had broken 100 sticks they moved on to hand to hand combat, incorporating kicks and holds as well learning the intricacies of the human body: which bones were easily broken and which soft tissues could be targeted and taken advantage of. In the 6th week,while looking in a mirror, Lilian noticed a change in her shoulders. They seemed somehow rounder, or broader. She found that she no longer became out of breath just by running up to the shelf, instead the exhaustion would come half way through the morning. In time, new groups of visitors arrived in Benlunar and Lilian made sure to keep a look out for any silver brooches, not having been able to gain any more information from brother Thomas about his. In the late afternoons she would wonder the woods with Kilde, setting traps baited with deer meat, or stalking foul from the bushes hoping they would attract the attention of the mysterious Feinhound. But even this past time, with its promise of magic and mystery, grew monotonous and soon became a once-a-week activity rather than an everyday occurrence.
When the day in question arrived, Summer was in full swing, which for Benlunar meant that it was a cool morning which would be followed by a hot afternoon. The Snow on top of the mountain had almost all disappeared and Lilian arrived on the stone shelf at the usual hour only to find it empty. This wasn’t unusual, Lilian often arrived before Mr Attorcop and whenever she did she would normally start stretching and warming up her body before his arrival. Today however, she decided to postpone warming up in favour of gazing out over the valley. The trees were in full bloom and it had rained the day before which meant the view was as clear as it could get. Without any cloud or mist, Lilian noticed that from the stone shelf she could see the end of the valley, where the mountains became hills and the hills became fields. She had never travelled as far as that in all her life but she knew that the fields belonged to another settlement that was nestled somewhere in the hills. Lilian turned round at the sound of footsteps behind her.
“My apologies Lilian,” Mr Attorcop was walking towards her carrying a large pack, “I was busy finding us some supplies.”
“Supplies?” enquire Lilian, “Where are we going?” Mr Attorcop turned around and pointed upwards.
“Up there.” Lilian followed his gaze to the mountain’s peak and her heart leapt, today would be a perfect day for the hike. She smiled widely and almost ran past Mr Attorcop in excitement.
“Alright, alright slow down now. If we’re going to do this we need to be slow and deliberate, we’ll set a steady pace and stick to it and we should reach the peak by early afternoon.” Lilian agreed and lead the way back to the path marker only instead of going down their usual route back to town, she turned uphill and set off for the next pile of stones that signalled the way to the Benlunar peak.
With each step up the air became thinner and after 2 hours Lilian could feel the altitude sickness setting in. They had left paths and path markers far behind and were now inching their ways across narrow ridges, constantly watching for loose rocks, one slip up here and one would not stop falling for a very long time. Luckily the route was well trodden and Lilian knew exactly which rocks to hold on to and which ones might let you down. Occasionally she would stop to observe the view and catch her breath, the latter being surprisingly difficult as the oxygen near the peak was very thin. Even Mr Attorcop, who normally made any physical activity seem easy, seemed to be struggling with the lack of air. Whenever they found a suitable outcrop or flat surface they would stop and drink water from Attorcop’s pack. Finally, in the early afternoon Lilian hauled herself over a boulder to see the peak only a few steps away. The child in her wanted to run towards it and claim herself to be the winner of the race, but common sense and fatigue slowed her down to a steady climb.
The peak of Benlunar mountain was, in every sense of the word, a breathtaking place. Any conversation, no matter how fascinating, died when travellers reached the top. From here, Lilian could see in all directions, she even looked down on the peaks of other mountains in the distance. The trees down below stretched out until the world curved them out of sight. By her feet, she noticed a small pile of stones, a path marker like those that had lead the way, only a lot smaller due to the lack of visitors. Mr Attorcop joined her on the small surface that made up the top of the mountain and handed her a flat rock he must have picked up moments earlier. Lilian smiled and symbolically placed it on the pile.
“There.” she said, “What do you think?” Mr Attorcop was at a loss. He simply breathed in a deep breath, smiled and nodded and finally said,
"Yes. I think this will do nicely.”
“Nicely for what?” Replied Lilian.
“Sit.” Mr Attorcop sat down and motioned for Lilian to sit opposite him. He took the pack from his back and rummaged around inside whilst admiring the view. He pulled out some bread and cheese wrapped in wax cloth as well as two apples and some grapes. The two ate in silence for some time, catching their breath and enjoying the expansive scenery. Finally, Mr Attorcop spoke.
“Do you remember when we were crouched behind that bush in the fog? The day Kissandra followed our trail up the mountain?” Lilian nodded, she did remember, she remembered being unable to see through the thick mist and the spiders crawling across the forest floor. She listened as Mr Attorcop continued,
“What do you remember feeling and thinking when we were hiding?” He took a final bite of his apple before wrapping the core in the wax cloth.
“I remember being scared, I remember it was hard to breathe because I didn’t want to make a sound, I was just listening and I remember feeling… I dunno, helpless I suppose.” Mr Attorcop nodded and shifted his feet under him so that he was sat cross legged with a straight back with his hands in his lap. He motioned for Lilian to copy him, which she did.
“I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath.” Lilian did as she was asked. She felt the cold air breeze through her hair, she shut her eyes and breathed it in, its scentless chill filled her lungs. She breathed out and felt the tension from the morning’s hike melt into the wind.
“I want you to keep breathing, slowly and deeply, allowing your body to relax as you do. At the same time, I want you to recall your state of mind that day in the fog. Remember what it felt like to have your ears straining to hear the slightest sound. It’s the same state you might find yourself in if you wake up in the night and you hear a noise that you can’t identify, and for a few seconds you keep very still and try to listen out for it again.”
Lilian thought she understood the feeling Mr Attorcop was describing. She felt her ears move as well as her nostrils widen.
“Don’t forget to pair this with the breath.” He reminded her, “Without this you’ll tense up and stop breathing, the goal here is to be in two states at once. One is constant and relaxed, achieved through regular deep breathing, the other is one of hyper attention. Both of these together will root you in the present moment. In this state, I want you to tell me what you can hear.” Lilian’s first instinct was to say, ‘nothing’, because up on the highest peak in the region, there really was very little noise. The silence was almost eerie considering the plethora of sights. But Lilian concentrated, and breathed deeply and put herself as best she could in the state of increased attention. At first all she heard was the breeze in her ears but then she realised that that sort of qualified as a sound, so she said,
“I can hear the breeze.”
“Breeze does not make a sound. Air only makes a sound if it hits something, what is the breeze hitting?”
“My ears.” Replied Lilian, wondering if she was making some sort of mistake.
“What else?” Said Mr Attorcop. Lilian paused for a second.
“My hair. I can hear my hair moving around.”
“Good.” Said Mr Attorcop, “Now you’ve got a ball of attention around your head, I want you to widen the ball, make it big enough to encompass the mountain top where we’re sat. What else can you hear?” Again, Lilian paused and listened before answering.
“I can hear you breathing. I can hear your clothes move when you do. I just heard a rock or a pebble fall I think. It was a little sound behind me.” Lilian strained now, trying to push her attention outward to the whole area around her. It required a shift in perspective, she started leaning in to try and hear smaller and smaller sounds, sounds that might be coming from very far away.
“I can hear a bird screeching. It’s far down below us I think. I can hear the wind in the trees. There’s another sound too, maybe water? I think there’s a stream nearby, maybe a spring, it’s very faint.” Lilian continued to play this listening game. She found it incredible how only moments ago she had been filtering out these sounds as unimportant but now that she was paying attention to them, more and more were making themselves known. Somewhere nearby, an insect was flying around, she shifted her attention again to find that Mr Attorcop was moving some metal on his person every time he breathed, she could hear its soft and regular clink, keys or perhaps a chain she thought. She felt a smile on her lips as she widened her attention to the valley below. Echoing somewhere far below she could hear water, faster than the spring nearby but still as unmistakable. She wondered if she could hear anything coming from Benlunar town but no matter how hard she tried, that part of the valley seemed hidden, too far and too quiet to be detected right now. After some time she opened her eyes. Mr Attorcop was watching her.
“I could hear loads!” She exclaimed, beaming.
“Good, it is rare, almost impossible to shut one’s eyes and never be able to hear anything at all. This is an excellent place to demonstrate that. Over the next few weeks, I want you to take a few minutes 3 or 4 times a day to close your eyes and practise this.”
“Why?” Asked Lilian.
“Well if we want to get to a point where we can manipulate the natural world, we have to be able to be in tune with it.” Lilian’s heart leapt,
“Does that mean?” She started, eyes widening in excitement, “Does that mean you’re going to teach me how to do…” She wanted to say ‘magic’ but remembered how Mr Attorcop felt about that word.
“Still haven’t come up with a better name have you?” He said, knowingly, “Yes Lilian. You’ve progressed very well with your defense and attack and hopefully the training has placed you more in your body, meaning that combining it with this awareness practise you will in time come to see how your body and thoughts can gain power from and influence the natural world.”
“Will I be able to use the lunar essence?”
“I expect so, although I have no idea when you’ll be ready.” Mr Attorcop stood up as he spoke and Lillian followed him.
“How do I know when I’m ready?”
“I’m sure I’ll tell you.” He replied, picking up his pack from the floor. This frustrated Lillian, she wanted to try using it now, today, on top of this mountain. Mr Attorcop must have sensed her impatience.
“Look here Lillian,” He walked over to the steepest edge of the mountain and pointed down, Lillian joined him and felt her stomach knot as she looked over the edge. A strange sensation crept into her legs, like they might give out at any second. Lillian looked straight down into the thick spiky trees below.
“There are several ways off this peak,” Said Mr Attorcop pointing straight down, “And this is one of them. Another is a slow descent back the way we came. Both paths would take you to the bottom, but I’m sure I know which one you’d rather pick.” Lillian gulped and instinctively took a step back to relative safety, “If I gave you the essence now, it would be the equivalent of me pushing you off this mountain. You’d get what you want, but at a price you’re probably unwilling to pay. Now, follow me, we’re going to head back down. And please listen and take note of your surroundings as we go.”
As they made their way down the mountain, Lilian opened her eyes and ears to the world around her. Every insect that flew past she would turn to follow and see which flower it would land on as well as noting the pitch of the sound its wings made. She found herself hearing water in the distance and underground. She noticed how the breeze through pine needles sounded different to the breeze through birch leaves and the shadows they made on the stone paths were as different and beautiful as the trees themselves. As the reached the mountain path she widened her attention to encompass the entire mountain. She felt small and reassuringly insignificant in its presence. Her entire village had been born and would die and disappear in the time it would take this mountain to move an inch. Next to its glorious immortality, her problems and worries disappeared into meagre oblivion. She breathed easier now that they were approaching the stone shelf and she wondered if she might be able to live like this forever. In constant vigilance and presence of mind, seeing without judgement and living without past or future. Just the sun’s rays warming her face and the sound of nature all around her. But Lilian knew that sooner or later the future would bring concern and the past would present resentment but for now, these didn’t matter and when Benlunar town appeared in front of her, she smiled as if seeing an old friend after many months apart.
Mr Attorcop had said very little on their way down but when they got to the Thoreson house he turned to Lilian to say goodbye for the day.
“I enjoyed that,” He mused, “we don’t have any mountains near Freedos so I like to climb it whenever I’m here.”
“How many times have you been to Benlunar?” Asked Lilian.
“Oh countless. I find it the perfect place to escape the inane institutions and customs of the city. But I will probably be heading back to Freedos this week, or the next.” Lilian was shocked, she knew Mr Attorcop would be leaving eventually, but this news still surprised her. She noticed him looking at her, his eyebrows raised as if asking a question.
“If you wish for our lessons to continue, you will have to come with me. I would also greatly appreciate your help with my work in Freedos. I often find myself having to be in two places at once and with someone helping me I might actually be able to achieve this. I know you’ve probably been giving this much thought, but rest assured, I plan on coming back to Benlunar in a couple of years.” Two years, thought Lilian. Two years away from her parents. Two years away from all of this. Lilian didn’t know if she was ready for that. When Mr Attorcop opened the front door of the Thoresen house Lilian was surprised to see her Mother in the main hall talking to Mr Stepson. When they heard the door open they both looked up and seemed relieved to see Mr Attorcop walking in. Lilian’s mother rushed over to them.
“Lilian, where have you been?” She seemed panicked and stressed, her worry almost bleeding into anger.
“We climbed the mountain…” Lilian mumbled a response but it didn’t seem like her mother was really expecting an answer as she turned quickly to Mr Attorcop.
“Mr Attorcop,” She said imploringly, “Please can you help? A friend of mine, her son is sick, Our local doctor is there but he says he doesn’t have what he needs to help. I thought of you because, well Lilian says you’re a scientist.” Mr Attorcop approached her slowly and spoke in a soothing voice.
“Of course Mrs Lausanne, I will do what I can. Just let me head up to my quarters and fetch some things, I’ll meet you there, Lilian can show me the way.” He broke off into a run and took the stairs two at a time. Lilian’s Mum turned to her and Lilian finally asked the question that had been gnawing at her.
“Who is it Mum?”
“Oh my love,” She replied, “I don’t know how bad it is but Stine is worried.” Lilian knew that name. Stine. Stine Vichas was Kilde’s mother. Lilian pushed panic aside and steeled herself.
“Go and get them some fresh water and we’ll meet you there.” Lilian’s Mum was taken aback. Who was this confident woman, she thought? Where is my little Lilian? It was strangely at the same time that she realised that Lilian was not on a step or stood on a chair her but was looking at her at eye level from the same carpeted floor. How had she not noticed this new height until now?
“Go.” Repeated Lilian and Polly Lausanne was shocked into action. Lilian wanted to follow her but knew she had to stay. For a second, a silence descended on the wooden walled, carpeted corridor. Lilian found her feet shifting, as if on their own, into the locked defensive stance that Mr Attorcop had forced them into time and again when preparing her for a fight. Right leg in front, toes pointed slightly inwards, left leg behind, ready to send the body forward or receive weight if the body is pushed back. She was ready and waiting. She glanced towards the large and ornate staircase with its carved bannisters. Mr Stepson was still there. Stood in silence and waiting as patiently as Lilian. The two made eye contact but knew that no words needed to be exchanged. Now was not the time for talk.
After about a minute and a half Lilian heard the sounds of Mr Attorcop rushing down the stairs, he appeared at the top of the main staircase clutching a black bag that clinked and rattled with each step. As he approached Lilian he waved his hand out in front of him signalling her to exit and lead him to where he was needed. The pair paced their way through Benlunar, breaking into a jog whenever they weren’t impeded by people or narrow streets. Lilian lead the way, taking every shortcut she knew so that they could get to the back of the trade’s quarter and into Kilde’s house as quickly as possible.
The Vichas house was small, and the wooden front door with a metal ring knocker opened easily when pushed. Mr Attorcop ducked his head, rushed past Lilian and went through the small front room with its dining table and wood stove and headed to the door at the back where Lilian could hear voices. She knew this to be Kilde’s room and she followed Mr Attorcop to the door. As he opened and stepped inside, Lilian caught a glimpse of her friend lying in his bed, it was only a glimpse however as at that moment, her mother stepped out and blocked her path. Her voice was low and quick,
“It’s getting a bit crowded my love. Let's step outside.”
“I want to see him.” Argued Lilian but her mother’s tight grip on her shirt forced her back. Lilian looked through the crack in the doorway as it closed and noticed how pale her friend looked. His eyes were closed and his Mum was by his side, gripping his hand. Lilian felt angry as her way to him was blocked, she almost turned to shout at her Mum but caught herself before she did. It was true, she thought. She wouldn’t be any help in there. Best leave it to Mr Attorcop. She began to pace around the small front room.
“What happened?” She asked her Mum, keeping her voice low so as not to disturb.
“I’m not sure. Stine came round this morning saying Kilde had been sick in the night and asking if we had any ginger. I gave her some and didn’t think much of it. But later I went round with some mint water and some honey and he’d gotten worse. He wasn’t speaking and kept fainting so I went to get Mr Rumex and he gave him…” Her speech faltered, she was still in shock. “He gave him some tincture but it doesn’t seem to have helped.” Lilian’s head was racing. She took a deep breath to calm herself. This was a tough situation, she thought, but nothing that Kilde couldn’t handle. Lilian remembered the time that she’d promised him 6 silver bits if he ate a worm. She watched him do it so quickly that she regretted offering so much. He probably would have eaten it for a copper head and a good story and would have still been absolutely fine and healthy. He was a fighter. A scrappy little prince who wouldn’t hurt a bee if it stung him.
“I don’t understand.” She said out loud, almost without realising it. “I saw him two days ago and he was fine.” Lilian’s mother looked up from where she was now sat at the table. She didn’t know what to say, for all her height and confident manner, her daughter was still so young. Polly Lausanne had known more of sickness, more of injuries and the dangers of infection. And she also knew that sometimes, these things came without reason and without explanation and it was in these times that she put her trust in the decision of Gods and their strange ways.
“Lilian,” she whispered. “Come, sit with me.”
The two women sat, mostly in silence. They waited and listened and patiently. They sat like this for the best part of the evening, listening to the occasional murmured voice and soft step from the room at the back of the house. Lilian felt helpless and impotent. More than once she felt anger rise inside her but quickly remembered how being angry rarely helped anyone. Finally, Mr Attorcop stepped out of the room, wiping sweat from his brow.
“He’s awake.” He said softly and Lilian didn’t wait for another word before standing up and brushing past him into Kilde’s room. The atmosphere inside was tense and still. Lilian edged slowly towards Kilde’s small bed. Her friend was still very pale but his eyes were open and he was looking at his mother. As Lilian approached he turned to look at her. A small smile crept across his lips. His mother, Stine, spoke first.
“He needs rest. So maybe just a quick word.” Lilian nodded in understanding and knelt down so as to be closer to him. It was if she was looking at different boy. A boy with red around his eyes and sweat streaking his hair back from his face. It was only his smile, and his eyes that told Lilian that this was indeed Kilde.
“Hi Lily.” His voice came through softly.
“Hey.” Lilian wasn’t sure what to say so she put her hand over his, it was cold to the touch, despite the heat of the room.
“I’m not feeling too good.” Whispered Kilde.
“That’s okay.” She replied, “you just sleep and rest. And… and… and we’ll go down to the river in the morning.” Kilde smiled and nodded. His eyes closed for a second and then reopened. He looked at Lilian as if noticing her again. He smiled. And Lilian smiled back, happy that she was making him happy for he was always making her smile, even now.
“I’ll rest.” He spoke again, very softly now.
“Yes.” Said Lilian, “You rest. You rest now and then I’ll come see you tomorrow.” Lilian thought she saw a small nod but it may have just been Kilde relaxing into his pillow. Lilian looked at his mother and smiled as she got up to leave.
That night Lilian had trouble sleeping. She tossed and turned in her bed, throwing off her cover only to go and get it. She must have finally found some sleep however as she woke up from a dream when her Mum opened her bedroom door. It was still dark but the moon was shedding some light through her bedroom window. The cold glow of the moon was all she needed to see the shape of her mother open her door and step slowly into her room. Lilian sat up in confusion as she watched her mother approach her bed and sit beside her. As she sat, the moon’s light fell on her face and Lilian could see tears glistening in the darkness. Why was she crying? Thought Lilian, still half asleep. But then she knew. And when she knew, her vision blurred with her own tears and she felt her mother’s warm embrace as she wept and wept until morning.
Lilian Lausanne woke up a few days later, the memories of church services and traditional burials rushing around her head. She awoke to find a now familiar weight on her chest. A crushing sadness keeping her from getting out of bed. It had been like this every morning since that night. Lilian did not have the energy to run up mountain paths, or practise fighting bearded teachers. She did not want to eat. She did not want to speak. The only thing motivating her to get out of bed was a desire to help Stine and her Mum, she did not want them to have to deal with everything alone, so she volunteered to spread the word, as well as help Brother Thomas with the service. But as soon as her daily duties were done Lilian would walk away from Benlunar. Sometimes she would visit the Padda Stone, sometimes she would walk through the forests and return home after the sun had gone down beyond the horizon. Today would be no different. After managing to eat a little lunch that her Mum and Dad had prepared, she went over to Stine’s house to ask if anything needed doing. But when her knocking got no reply she found herself walking towards the river a little earlier than usual. She wanted to keep moving. Stillness allowed unwanted thoughts and memories to creep in, she found that as long as she kept walking she could focus on her steps rather than her sadness. She could walk for hours like this, and more than once in the past few days had she found herself looking up at unfamiliar surroundings and having to trace her steps back to town. Lilian walked like this now. As if she was at the bottom of an ocean, grief pushing all other emotions away. She saw leaves under her feet and dodged tree trunks that interrupted her path. It was here, in the deepest pit of sorrow, here in the darkest depths she had known in all her years it was here where all fear and fun had left her. It was here she first met the Feinhound.